Hello. Valentine’s Day creeps before us all for yet another expectant annual sweaty bang. Thousands upon thousands of carbon units with slushy emotions having to visit a well known British store to mechanically buy a generic £20 ‘romantic’-themed ready-made meal for two in order to save precious time and effort in today’s unforgiving consumer lifestyle. “There you go darlin’, I love you”, they all cry in robotic unison easily fooling themselves that they’ve created a unique and thoughtful evening of original passion for their awaiting partners.

OOTB have booked an amazing featured act this Saturday. Robert King has graced the OOTB stage with great performances several times. His songs are driven by an alternative rock aspect where his lyrics mainly have a political and philosophical flavour carried along with Robert’s reliable strong vocals. He was guitarist with ‘Woodland Roots’ for a few years and earlier in his musical history was a member of the award-winning ‘Highland Youth Big Band’. Now you know this is a performance not to be missed. Here’s a link to some of Robert’s songs: soundcloud.com/roberttobyking

Stage slots are available as usual. Just turn up on the night somewhere around 7:15pm-7:30pm to confirm fifteen minutes of spotlight time and OOTB will kick off at 8pm for an evening of blissful live original music.

Be there or just don’t be there…

OOTB 😀

Hello. Lone Posts are so isolated that they have to rearrange themselves into Open Slots to be filled in with original musicality. Stool Pens are only good for drawing crap, so they also rearrange in the same way to more usefully create fifteen-minutes of stage time. Snot Poles of green goo reorder to establish more performance opportunities due to no featured act this week.

Sign up time is 7:15pm-7:30pm and soon after OOTB starts the great clock on the wall ticking at 8pm.

The Open Mics page has been updated for February as well. Worth a look.

Will be great to see you on Saturday.

Be there or be forced to watch daytime telly after being glued to your chair…

OOTB 😀

Hello. Three weeks through January have gone by with three great Saturday evenings of entirely open slots. So this Saturday OOTB have the first featured act of this year to behold. Nick Splinter Smith has played on the OOTB stage many times and is a regular and well known performer in and around Edinburgh. Armed with guitar, harmonica and gritty vocals, Nick’s music is energetic and best described as alternative acoustic rock with varying influences coming through. He’s been doing this sort of thing for quite a while now and gives his audiences an experienced performance. Not to be missed.

Here’s a link to some of Nick’s music: reverbnation.com/nicksplintersmith

The usual slots are there for the taking if you fancy showing off some of your own creations. Sign up time is 7:15pm-7:30pm and OOTB starts at 8pm.

Be there or be nailed to the hoof of an unwilling mare…

OOTB 😀

Hello. Absolutely no featured act again this Saturday, so for the third week in a row we have plenty of raw slots exposed to our wide-eyed audiences and performers for another musical gang-bang. More center-page holes in full display are up for grabbing and groping to the delightful yet mechanical moans of the lucky recipients. It’s a fifteen-minute ride on stage which usually covers about three sensual positions of tuneful ecstasy.

Sign up time is 7:15pm-7:30pm and then shortly after OOTB gets the bed rocking at 8pm.

Next week for OOTB 550 the run of entirely open slots comes to an end as we have booked the amazing Nick Splinter Smith. Not to be missed.

Be there or be caught melodically celibate inside a crafty drummer’s snare…

OOTB 😀

Hello. It’s another week and another round of open slots regardless of where they may reside on one’s skin-wrapped flesh-ridden body. With orifices agape for fifteen-minutes each carrying oral sounds of original melody and tune for all present in attendance to hear. No featured act means that more chirping apertures hungry for song are available to all you performers out there in this land. The more the merrier, particularly those with a rather springy but quite unusual derriere twice bitten by a Jack Russell terrier.

It all starts at 8pm, but get down here around 7:15pm-7:30pm to sign up.

Be there or be what was once a light tan corduroy luxury sofa downgraded to a worn dirty brown 1970’s limping three-legged chair…

OOTB 😀

Our slots, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy time.
Thy creations come.
Thy will be done on stage,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily G-strings.
And forgive us our brass nuts,
As we forgive those that rub against them.
And lead us not into cover versions,
But deliver us from hecklers.
For thine is the kingdom,

The power, and the glory,

For fifteen minutes.

Amen.

Hello. OOTB is back this Saturday starting the new year with an evening of open slots. Sign up time is 7:15-7:30pm and OOTB then starts a holy crusade of original material at 8pm. Will be musically blasphemous of you not to be there.

Be there or just don’t be there as if anyone would care,

OOTB 😀

OOTB are putting the brakes on in order to take time off for a festive break.

We will return on Saturday 11th January at 8pm.

To keep OOTB on it’s toes over the holidays, we shall be practising how to rumba in 7/4 time at 210bpm for 4 hour long marathon sessions in absolute silence. Next year we’ll be ready for anything anyone may throw at us.

Live long and train hard.

OOTB 😀

Hello. It’s that time of year once more where long stressful weeks of spending money and preparing for that one so-called special day that most people silently dread. By the time Hogmanay comes along, so much leftover turkey and rich food has been consumed that it’s realistic to expect bird feathers to blast out on your next visit to the toilet. Partially digested sultanas and raisins also pebble-dash the porcelain leaving an additional marzipan blended stench of stale rum in the bathroom air. All ended rather fittingly with a merry tune from the festive annual musical toilet-roll dispenser apportioning what looks like a slightly softer version of wrapping paper to clean yourself up with.

Anyway before we all overwork our unforgiving bowels, OOTB have a Christmas themed evening ahead. As always original material is welcome, maybe you’ve even written a seasonal song for our ears to hear. Cover songs this week are being accepted, as long as they have a Christmas flavour of course. Expect open slots, some guests, drink, music and lots of good fun.

It all starts at 8pm, get there a little earlier if you want to sign up for a stage slot.

OOTB will be taking a break after this event for a few weeks and will return hopefully sobered up by the time Saturday 11th January hits us all.

Be there or be indefinitely subjected to cheap jokes from cheap crackers in holiday hell somewhere…

OOTB 😀

Hello. Featured act this week is the very talented and most legendary Tom Watton. Tom is a songwriter, storyteller and natural-born entertainer. His music has a direct folk influence in harmony with Tom’s unique twist on life. His finger-picking style on guitar along with his confident vocals are energetic and entirely musical. He plays a pretty mean double-bass as well. Never short of a word and a laugh, Tom is guaranteed to entertain any audience. A must see this Saturday that OOTB dare thee not to miss.

Here’s a link to Sir Tom’s website: sirtomwatton.co.uk

Slots that measure fifteen-minutes in size are ready to be volumised by your instruments and musical moans. Sign up time is 7:15pm-7:30pm and OOTB starts the bed rocking at 8pm. Original material only and free entry as always.

The Open Mics events page is updated for December. Check that son of a gun out.

Next Saturday is our traditional Christmas Bash before OOTB takes a festive break for a few weeks. There’s going to be guests, open slots of course and lots of good fun to be had. Performing Christmas songs, poetry and the like is very welcome to keep us all in the mood. OOTB reliably returns refreshed on 11th January for a new year of musical shenanigans.

Be there or be a soon to fall out unwashed grey pubic hair…

OOTB 😮

Hello. No picture of our featured act this week as I have been unable to find one, apart from the logo you see to the right. To find out what he looks like, then you’ll just have to get the hell down here and check the situation out. Enradgey has played on the OOTB stage several times with his own style of self-penned acoustic blues/rock songs. He’s a gritty performer with a vocal to match and plays a mean harmonica too. All this combined makes for a great performance not to be missed this Saturday at the Kilderkin bar.

Here’s a link to Enradgey on Reverbnation: reverbnation.com/enradgey

Open slots are carefully carved by OOTB craftsmen so that your artistic well-formed creations fit perfectly in place. It’s fifteen-minutes of stage time (three songs usually), original material only and you better believe your ass that it’s free entry as always.

Next week we have the amazing Tom Watton as headline and then the following Saturday it’s the traditional OOTB Christmas Bash type thingy going on sort of thing ting-a-ling-a-jingle.

Be there or be needy of tightly-permed hairy love from Leo Sayer…

OOTB 😮